Three Steps To Better Deal With Conflict

I am often asked by others with whom I work, how I am able to deal with stressful situations so effectively. It seems as though I maintain a cool composure and demeanor while others are losing their cool or even outright accusing me of something. This always makes me smile because I look at conflict very different from most people. First off let me say that in all cases I give the other person the benefit of the doubt that they are not intentionally trying to attack me. Rather that they are experiencing something that I most likely don't know about or they have gone through something fairly tragic. I take this perspective because I believe that people want to do well and succeed but sometimes they run into problems that they struggle to deal with. This usually results in blow ups in other areas of their lives. I also believe that most everyone has about 70% of the information regarding a circumstance when they begin to deal with it. This means they must fill in the other 30% with assumptions and experience.So with this understanding let's look at three simple ways you can improve how you deal with conflict.1. Tell it like you see it. If you see the person acting out of character let them know. Be gentle. Understand that they are in a highly emotional state and need your assistance with this particular situation. You becoming angry or defensive will only make the situation worse. Also, let them know how you see the situation. Not in an accusatory way but rather what you see not working and stress that you want to work more smoothly with them. Be compassionate and understanding.2. Get everything out on the table. First take the time to allow the other person to express what they feel at that moment. Do not interrupt or correct them. This will come off as condescending and close down the other person. You want open communication and trust. Provide a safe environment for the other person to express themselves. After they are done, take a moment to express your feelings and interpretations on the situation. Remember to honour their opinions and be compassionate and gentle. Do not be judgmental or accusatory.


3. Focus on the Future. Offer ideas on strategies to improve the situation. You can just listen to their ideas and build on what they have to offer. Remember in most cases the other person has moved outside their normal operating comfort zone and need someone to help give them perspective. They don't want to be told what to do, they just need someone to listen and fine tune what they most likely already know. This will often create an environment of safety for them to work through what they are struggling with.By using these three simple steps you as a leader can create a means for people to move through this situation and also feel that what they needed to say was taken seriously. You will also find that you will gain important insights into who that other person really is and what beliefs they have. The best part of perfecting this technique is that you create stronger bonds with others while really helping to develop them. Lastly, like all new skills be patient with others and yourself. You may go wrong once in a while but if your intention is to be helpful and you always go back to attempt a recovery you will always learn and be successful.